not working on it

Some things are a total “feel” for me.   Well, most of life is a total “feel” for me. Always has been.

Some have tried to tell me it’s wrong.  And listen to my heart.  What do they know?  They are as fucked up as I am. HA!

Most don’t get this about me.  I need to “feel” whether that be a solar plexus ache or a sparkle. Does that make sense?  My passion? It disturbs me when I don’t feel.  I don’t mean in the detached, observing part of me.   I mean in the “feeling”part of me. My heart. It’s not me “shutting down” in an effort to not feel what was too overwhelming.  I need to take note of the “no feel” in this. It’s telling.

I already know I get myself in trouble by listening to my head. Always have.  My head talks me out of shit. It places my fears up front and center.  It’s comfortable that way. Controlled.

Once, I trusted my intuition.  My “feel”.  It was more 2nd nature.  I just went with it.  They told me I was crazy.  I was.  I loved it, and life. I smiled a lot. 

So, I won’t debate the points. Pro and con.  This and that. Why and why not.

It’s not going to work for me.  Not this time.  Not stubborn.  Not nit picking.  Not fear.  Just isn’t going to work.

It’s nice to chat and spend some time having coffee, but that is all.  And it may be a friendship of sorts. Nothing more.

Doing the work where I actually “feel” something…is one thing.

But continuing on where I don’t really “feel” anything of substance over “interesting” is another. Lots of things are interesting.  But that doesn’t mean they all spark my interest….

I’m going where and with what I “feel” this time.  Where it doesn’t cause me any…aches. With what makes me smile.

So.  Moving right along…..