hindsight

Well of course hindsight is 20/20.  If foresight was 20/20 instead of our presumptions (or assumptions) we wouldn’t have any lessons to learn now would we? Shees…..No shit, Sherlock….

Wow, what a year.

Here is the thing I came to realize the other day…To see as clear as day. Finally……

He said he wanted us to all get along. To give each other a chance. To really develop friendships. We each used that as a convenient excuse to try to get what we wanted. Worthy of his love and attention.

The simple fact is that even tho each of us had wildly differing reasons for wanting to live together we both had our own fucked up agendas here.

She can say what she likes about wanting to always move down here and how it wasn’t to be with him.  But….

Hers to oust his other friends, fwb’s, fb’s and his second by being more available and closer to him thereby getting more attention and proving she was the one and only one he needed. That didn’t work so well when she discovered that all of these woman were now up close and personal instead of 75 miles away.  She didn’t have to actually interact with them before she moved.

I can say what I like as well about how this would save us money, grow a friendship, have companionship and learn how to serve others. But….

It was to prove a point about how wrong he was about me being jealous of his primary (he was wrong-I’m not jealous), prove I was indeed a good poly partner, and through his primary have a better means of retaining our already tenuous relationship.

For both of us…..well if we lived together and had the biggest, nicest house where everyone was welcome with open arms, wouldn’t that be ever so serving and gracious?  Wouldn’t we both prove how worthy we were to him?  That we could indeed walk the walk?

ugh…….I am disgusted with myself for this charade….

So just how did that work out well for each of us?

 

 

 

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2 Responses to hindsight

  1. Louise says:

    Popping over to ask the same question: how are you?
    xxx

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