I’ve been reluctant to blog any of this. Why? Experiences and feelings so moving and so intensely personal, I wonder if there are words to describe it all.
It’s a feeling? A knowing? I’m not sure if this is the beginning or an end, or a little bit of both. A path on a continuum….
That as a particular point seems moot now.
What was it exactly? It was a perceptible shift. Like partially stepping through a different dimension where I could feel myself in one, but see myself in another.
I Know…it’s done
I Know…I will never be the same
I Am…starting over
I can push myself into a different state of perception. And it feels like I am somewhere else and here too.
Sometimes I have to actively think about doing it. Sometimes, it takes little effort-the barest thought. And sometimes it just happens. And as I notice, I am pushed back again. A barely perceptible shift.
I have a touchstone of sorts in my pocket. Specifically though, it’s in my left front pocket. My right pocket is reserved for what little cash I carry and my lighter. This touchstone fits comfortably in my hand cradled in pinky, ring finger and against my palm. More than a couple of times now I’ve noticed the stone in my right hand. How? How long has it been there? How did I not notice my left hand performing two seemingly discrete tasks? Plucking the stone out of my pocket (you all know it’s virtually impossible to use the one hand to get something out of an opposite pocket. It’s just not a comfortable action), and placing it in my right hand without taking note of the action. What set that off? As I notice, yet another barely perceptible shift.
A string of thoughts…not really seeking answers per se.