Sometimes I have the oddest feelings of time immortal, if that’s how it can be described. I’m not sure it can be exactly. It’s not quite like the bliss of meditation. It’s not like that push I feel as if I’m moving though a seemingly different dimension. It’s not just remembering the event either. It’s that in and out body experience I still don’t quite understand. It’s happened before. Am I supposed to understand it? Or just accept? Have faith it will be presented to me at some point? I jotted the experience down that day…It is stuck in me.
The image flashes before my eyes again and again. It’s been never ending over the past month. Click…whirr…click…whirr…the shutter closes and the film advances. Only it’s a single frame. I just don’t see it in my minds eye, I can feel it as if I was there…I am there.
The picture is of me walking on the beach a few short weeks ago…black bathing suit with a burnt orange and cream sarong low on my hips…hair is curled and thick from humidity…tanned legs damp with the ocean spray…my body is warmed by the sun. I am completely alone. To my right are my previous footprints from my trek up the beach with the rising sun. Eroded from the gentle lapping of waves, those are shallower and less defined. I am stopped on the beach staring down at my current footprints, crisp and clean in the sand. The sound of the surf echoes in the background as words flood my mind…Significant…insignificant…small in the vastness…permanence…impermanence…significantly insignificant…never ending…ending..insignificantly significant…a place and no place…coming…going….these too will fade…microcosm…macrocosm…duality…trinity…
There is no un-ease. There is no one particular emotion aside from a sense of both wonder and puzzlement.
What is it telling me? A mystery yet to unfold.
I remember that exact minute with clarity.
Stopped. Seeing. Feeling. Experiencing.
I am the observed and the observer.
It plays over and over…A frozen moment in time.
Note: this occurred on Waimanalo Beach…there is magic on that beach…it’s where I found my soul.