Updating Mastery

I worked myself into a funk this past week. Not like you could tell with the past two posts, right? Ugh. Another convenient path to diversion. Don’t wanna deal? Don’t wanna find solutions? Easy….just become depressed and then whine about it all.

Well despite my best efforts to stall myself, my car is in fact, as fixed as it will be for some time. Not counting the tires I need to get. And the windshield wipers. oh, and a bulb for one of the backup lights. Loads of work done virtually for parts. Yes a brother is taking care of me. Why I don’t know. I’ve been told he has a fondness for old hippie chicks, lol. And although he won’t lay me (he told me he has not time for sex) *rolls eyes*, he gives great hugs. He and I, well…we understand each other. *smile*

I’ve done my morning pages 5 of 7 days and that’s a bit better than half. Not all but working on it. Thing is….and I’m not sure if this is diverting or not. I am pretty strict when I do it. I know many who write them at other times of the day but I use that just-coming-out-of-sleep time for morning pages. So if I don’t do them on awakening, I don’t do them at all. Period. I’m trying to tap the unconscious. And here’s the thing. 3 is not half of 7 but it is for the purpose of morning pages. 4 is more than half of 7 and that feels good. 5 is great. 6 is something along the lines of might-as-well-been-all-week and it’s not but it feels huge. I’ve rarely done 7 anyway unless you count the exercises. Then it was 7 pretty consistantly. I could go on like this forever. Get the idea?

My glasses broke Thursday. Shit. Can’t be fixed. Did I get to the eye doc for contacts? No. I super glued my glasses. It is gonna cost….oh never mind…you have the picture.

Should I apologize for the sarcasm now or just bag it?

Let’s see….I wrote that letter as I stated in Progressing last week. Ask me if I sent it? No, and that would be because the box I need to go along with it isn’t full yet. Not that a flat letter went very far to filling a small flat rate box. But since I was sending it anyway I knew it would get there quicker than regular mail. So why not just pull it out and send it? I mean, I have stamps. Because the box is not full yet. Actually there are deeper issues here that I’m not sure where to shelve. *another diversion she hisses*

Work is coming along. I haven’t written much here because the situation is pretty hideous and each time I have to send an e-mail off to Colorado I feel like I’m in some sort of highly dysfunctional marriage. I actually told my boss there I felt like I was back in a former alcoholic marriage. I know I can’t change a thing. So I’ve tried to be cheerful and focused. Be silly. Keep it light in order to stall a bit more about making the decision to just leave. That would be best mentally. Yet….I do have bills and rent and kids coming to visit. Another decision…stalled.

Laundry is done. The kitchen remained clean all week. I found more tp under the sink. Thank goodness. Now I don’t have to go to the store. Except for those windheild wipers, bulb, and the lightbulb that blew in the kitchen last night.

Oh, and I did get the watercolors out. 7 full sheets of paper playing. I just don’t get it. Then I found a cool shell and went looking for my colored pencils. I cannot find them anywhere. I tore into all the boxes…I can’t remember….I know I bought them with me. So I’m thinking now I need a set of watercolor pencils. How much that will cost instead of getting down to just playing with the watercolors again. I don’t get it. It’s like missing an integral part of basic math to do algebra. Which I don’t do either.

Well…It is beach day and I am going to head for the North Shore.

Just thought I’d let you all know about my wonderful diversionary week.

This entry was posted in Mastery Through Accomplishment, Reflections in the Mirror and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Updating Mastery

  1. YOu did better than I did with your pages in the last week. I”m floundering…and you sound as cranky under the surface as i was last week and still feel. I think I’ve got pms.

    Diversions…*sighs…* I am not doing well at all avoiding them. But it is helpful to me more than I can say to have some place to say it out loud. And I”m glad to listen to you. ((hugs))

    Last week good, this week not so much *sighs*. Yeah funny how that works…getting cranky at something that actually does me some good. Thanks for listening! *smootches*



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