We’ve talked a lot the past week, he and I…my Colorado muse. Allowing me to vent my fears, and at the same time going to great lengths to soothe my increasing angst. I’m walking a line between freaking and being totally ok with all of it. It helps to process with someone who knows me and isn’t afraid to throw ideas back. I depend on him for not allowing much, if any, self indulgent bullshit.
I met his new girl friend the other night. She’s an accomplished artist, smart, funny, attractive, bubbly. He’s smitten. I was tickled when he called and asked if I wanted to go to the gallery for a open house and meet her. Honored he thought of me and also that he wants us to be friends….to become comfortable with one another.
All and all, it went well. She is charming and engaging. We hit it off. *smile* Nothing pleases me more. There were a few awkward moments for me that night though. He and I met at his house and walked to the gallery together. So afterward, we all walked back to his apartment together…he had to let me back in….I have no keys yet.
I have to keep my “friends only” hat on and so I feel…well, strangely guarded. With them making attempts to hold hands and demonstrate affection for each other *giggle* So very cute. I felt a bit of a block about it…feeling hesitation on their part or perhaps on his part. I don’t want to be “interference” between them. The other uncomfortable moment was when we all got back to the house. I generally spend the night but faltered some…bringing in a box of plants, and then grabbing my stuff…asking him to walk me out.
He told me I could stay…It felt a bit weird. I put my stuff away as they strolled off to the beach for a late night walk and promptly fell asleep in the couch. Back an hour later, we crawled into bed. When he drew me close, asked if I was ok and kissed me sweetly….well I was touched he’s going to such lengths to be so tender and caring.
All of this is so new to me. How often does anyone live with a long time best friend, on and off again lover, and meet their “new” romantic interest? *laughing* Yeah maybe we know and approve of the others dating and sexual encounters. But neither of us have lived with another who really wanted to embrace this which we both believe. That what happens with others in no way affects our time together or our friendship. That being loving and kind in any relationship depends on how we interact with each other. Not others involved in our lives. And that ultimately, those who we love enhance…not take away from anything.
I need not be fearful…not because I don’t trust him with my heart and the friendship. But because it feels terribly disrespectful not to do so.
I am grateful for being handed an experience which will help me grow.