The Condition…

You’re right of course.  What we are taught is, the “Perfect Love” has no desire for anyone else.  The “One” fills all the holes in our life.  We impose our conditions of the ‘perfect’ romance, the ‘perfect’ Love, and the ‘perfect’ life we’ve created in our heads.   You can have my time, my attention, my Love and sex, if and only if, you pay attention to me…and only me.  It’s all about ME.  Forsake all others.  We perceive our cup as only being filled with “one”,  but not many.

Ok, I get that.  Sure, I want it to be about me too.  I want to feel Loved and cherished and adored and…well yeah I want to feel special. Don’t we all?

I just don’t agree with it.

Women have incredible power this way over men.  We have what they want.  Trouble is I don’t particularly want that power.  I don’t want to ‘control’ another.  Mostly because I don’t want attempts at trying to control me.

Yep,  the ‘relationship’, or romantic Love for another always comes with conditions doesn’t it?  Sad but true.  I don’t want to put conditions on Love and affection and holding another’s heart in my hand….because when we do, we say the conditions matter more than the heart we hold.

I reject that idea.  That’s NOT love.  It’s manipulation.

I can’t live that way.  I won’t live that way. I won’t impose it.  I won’t ask for it.

The funny thing is…when we don’t impose these conditions on our Love/Lover/boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other…we’re accused of not caring…we’re looked at as being unable to “commit”, or worse yet of not being loyal.   We somehow cannot give all of ourselves to the desired state of “The Relationship”.

If I give all of myself to you, right now in this moment of time.  And in the next occurring moment of time for as long as those consecutive moments last…is that not good enough?  And if I share some part of myself with another, be it emotionally, physically, spiritually or intellectually for a moment in time or some number of consecutive moments in time…has that taken anything away from you?  Has it somehow robbed you of my Love?

Maybe I’m hopelessly idealistic.  Maybe not.  Maybe I just want to live my life this way because it feels right.

We all have ‘conditions’.   These are mine.

When it comes right down to it, you don’t have to live with me or my ideals.  But I do…

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5 Responses to The Condition…

  1. *smiles* Blessings to you too dear friend. ((hugs))

    I took note that you are reading at the Boat. *winks* He runs deep don’t he?

    I’m sure you can see why he is so damned appealing to me.

    I can. He does. *smile*


  2. I agree with all your points about having love be open handed and that it takes nothing from Another to love yet Another too. I have lived that and I know it is true.

    Yet I also see that for me there are power leaks. Ones that I just can’t seem to sort out. I have tried too. For me, loving only one in just such a way keeps my energy centered and contained. It is not all over the place, leaving me all over the place emotionally.

    I am never more content and whole than when I have one person on which to lavish that relationship energy. It is not even that I expect him to have only me. It is not the issue. My only issues is that he not be too tired or too emotionally charged for me because he’s with her. That’s my requirement and always has been. I expect to be primary.

    It is me who needs only one because it is the right way to deal with my emotional energy. It is that simple.

    I seem to be attracted to men who prefer monogamy also.

    I see that you, like my husband are a being who is very comfortable with polyamory. I am not uncomfortable with it…but only when my primary person is the one I can be safe being in love with and if I can have all the intimacy I need. That’s the bottom line key right there. Its not my situation, so it just isn’t working for me.

    If things were different between my husband and I, I’d likely still feel glorious about polyamory…but instead I only feel pulled apart by it emotionally and its keeping me in grief and ill.

    It is wonderful that you know what is right for you. I so honor that. We each can only be who we are. Always. And if we really do love someone…I mean really love them…which in my mind means that Love comes without conditions, then we see in to them, understand them and accept them as they are. We don’t try to force them to be different just so we can feel more content or comfortable.

    It does not mean that we lend ourselves any less understanding.

    Loving and accepting may not mean the same as living with the reality of someone else’s needs and lifestyle. Sometimes these things just do not match. Sometimes they are to messy to mesh well together and you must live separately. But that does not mean the love goes away. Not at all.

    So…I am with Sorrow on this one. Its the bottom line for me.

    ((hugs)) You have a good heart and anyone with eyes to see can recognize this. *smiles* I honor you.

    ….then we see in to them, understand them and accept them as they are. We don’t try to force them to be different just so we can feel more content or comfortable….
    This was my big lesson this past week and exactly what motivated this post….trying to sort out justify my un-comfortableness thru him…asking for something he couldn’t give on my schedule.

    I’m not saying I’m opposed to being primary…I’ve had men friends tell me they think that what I really I want is primary, even if I truly don’t mind sharing. And that may be true. Only, primary for most is very rigidly defined. And so restrictive that I can’t breathe.

    As I’m watching others put conditions on a couple of men I really Love (See S’s response)…I see their struggle and need to have understanding and compassion that what these women want is not unreasonable…it’s quite normal actually. And for whatever reasons they may have…they may meet those conditions. It may be ‘restrictive’ to me as well in terms of their time and their energy. It’s nothing personal towards me. But at the same time, it’s just not how I define a Loving relationship.

    I’ve done monogamy…complete exclusivity…it’s never worked for me. I have deep and long standing connections with others, both male and female that take many forms…I’ve barely managed to keep these alive with men I’ve had monogamy with. And those other relationships are important to me.
    We all have many facets…many needs, many desires. But I won’t be “forced” and I won’t “pay” in any relationship, for being me.
    Thank you for your words of support and your understanding. *smile*
    Blessings, sisterfriend. ((Hugs))


  3. Sorrow says:

    which means , loving for the sake of love. All relationships tend to be a sticky wicket when we start trying to measure love, and control and manipulate love.
    If a relationship is based on acceptance, i think it works a bit better..
    my pennies in the pot…

    Yes, and most of society believes not as we do, but that love is measurable and finite. If you do this for me…you can receive my love…


  4. S says:

    Yeah, its a double edged sword, no? You should see the text of the IM that I just read. It was waiting for me when I got home. Many of the same points were made. The only difference is, they didnt make any sense, because it was an attempt to cover up a stupid mistake that the author had made….and will always continue to make. Simply becuase I refuse to accept certain conditions, because they would cause me to deny my own individuality. I think you know what I am talking about…

    You know how sorry I am to her this, S. I thought perhaps this time… Yet I can’t fault anyone else for wanting what they want. And you know what I’m talking about here. It’s been a long week of lessons about understanding and compassion with those we love.
    Yes doubled-edged for sure. Are we so far outside the box, or is our box just further away from the others? *wink* What to do? You know what I know.


  5. anglhugnu2 says:

    Perceptively, “The One” fills all the holes in life only because we believe ourself seperate and whole apart from The One. The fact of the matter is The One is the whole of what we are. We only seem to see pieces and parts of what The One is, and what we are, because we gaze at life as if we were in a fog. As such, when pockets of recognition (knowing again) pass before our eyes we believe The One to be the “light at the end of the tunnel.” We hardly make note of the fact “our tunnel” is the vaccuous measure of delusion we’ve chosen to surround ourself with and call it “a life.”

    Author of IM with God

    Angllhugn, thanks for stopping by and lending your words of wisdom. Yes, our un-connectedness from each other and from the universe, higher power or whatever one believes as a matter of ‘faith’, is the grandest delusion or all….



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