Comfortable

Are you comfortable here?

No not really. I’m trying to not overstep boundaries.

What kind of boundaries?  In the house or personal?

Both. The personal boundaries are secondary right now.  I just don’t know what they are. But, I don’t want to overstep by rearranging your house and your stuff.

Do what you need to do.  I put stuff where it is convenient. Doesn’t really mean anything.  I know stuff needs to be gone through and is a mess.  Lots of stuff can be thrown out.

What about the personal boundaries?

You’re tired and I don’t like talking to the back of your head.  Sleep well.

I’m not sure what will make me feel comfortable here. What makes us comfortable and safe in any one place with any one person?

Certainly I have free reign of the house.  Really, I know that.  I can do whatever I want here.  And have with respect to stuffing his closet full of my clothes….stuffing the empty dresser drawers in his bedroom with more of my clothes.  Finding niches for the rest of stuff I need….shoes…luggage…wicker baskets…sewing basket…lube and glass toys in the head board *laughing*.

He found me sunning outside in the backyard in my bra yesterday afternoon.He doesn’t really care as long as I don’t give the neighbors too much of  a show.   *giggles*  I’m not comfortable walking around in a thong here…it’s my preferred attire.  It smacks of being suggestive…it’s one of those boundaries I’m thinking about even tho he says he has no issues as he is unclothed too.

He wants me to feel “home” here.  He’s gone to a lot of trouble to do that for me.  It’s not his fault.  There is not blame.  I don’t want him to ever feel like he hasn’t done enough for me.  It isn’t him.  I feel like I can never repay what he is doing for me.

It’s my fear of becoming too comfortable here.  Liking that too much because I know I will.

How can I make myself comfortable without the fear?

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3 Responses to Comfortable

  1. M:e says:

    I’m going to have to get to you earlier in the day sweet Rosa. Again tonight I come and read too tired to put coherent thought to fingertips. For now…..soft hugs….and like Gillette, I will be interested to see how you answer the question. I have the opposite problem you see, how….when I might need to…..I share my home with someone when I’ve lived on my own for so many years and like it that way.

    love and hugs xxx

    There is a lot I love about living by myself….space to put my “things” out and my alone time to meditate or write or sketch…I abhor sleeping and eating alone….I just don’t see, after loosing my home over two years ago, that it will ever happen again.

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  2. ((hugs)) As you know I’ve been doing exactly this same thing for about 6 months now myself.

    Its hard. And I am grateful and I know that there’s welcome here…that I am family.

    But I want my own home.

    ((hugs)) Hang in there. Gonna go see what else you wrote..

    It is hard. Good lessons tho. I’ve learned lots. I’m past wanting my own home. I have trouble believeing that will be in my grasp again…..

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  3. gillette says:

    I am excited to see how you answer your question as the days flow by.

    As for your discomfort…for the first time since I left my parent’s home, I’ve been living in “other people’s spaces” for this past year. I am so grateful and honored…

    And…It’s awkward. Simply is, no matter what the relationship. It’s a matter of not wanting to intrude into their “space,” yet never feeling like I have my own. Wanting to honor the flow of how they live their lives, yet since their “rules” aren’t mine feeling constantly on edge to be sure I’m not overstepping boundaries. Not comfortable. Not home.

    It’s a good learning for me. And I could be done with it at any time. :)

    Gillette, I am so touched by this man’s graciousness and love for me as to let me be here…to arrange everything just so…to extend himself….verbalizing a commitment to making this work even if he doesn’t know how.
    I have lived on others spaces for the past three years now. I know what’s involved…still…..everyone is different and that’s the learning curve.
    He has never lived with anyone who is not his wife. Difficult for him too.

    And that is exactly it for me, not wanting to intrude. Not wanting to scatter my female thumbprint all over another mans house. He once told me this house is empty for a reason…he wants it to be a clean slate for whoever spends the rest of their life with him….For them to have free reign to do what they want…
    I could easily be “home” here.

    And yet Gillette, you stay. Why?

    Like

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