I shouldn’t be. But I am.
When I just hand myself over to the Universe.
When I trust my gut feel.
No I wasn’t wrong about what I felt *from* him in stark contrast to what he was *saying to* me.
Can you open your bathrobe for me? I always liked to see your nipples.
Soooo….I wasn’t wrong was I? About my confusion the other day?
As I glanced down and saw his lengthening cock….and then looked at me like he used to…the only man on earth who can make love to me without saying a word. I couldn’t hold his gaze this time for my blushing.
His hesitation the past two weeks is not wanting anything to change between us. So he’s put down the physical desire. Yet I can still feel it leaking out in those few minutes between sleeping and waking…in occasional hungry kisses…sparkling laughter….and tender hugs. Confusion and disconnect.
I took the time to explain; I was in no way asking him to marry me, I was not going to make demands on his time or expect something of him he simply cannot give *because* of sex.
I also let him know that what I found with my ex-roomie (who he knows) was that it was the quality of the experience I enjoyed. But my love for him whether we were tumbling off the bed in hot monkey sex or “making love”, tripping around town as “friends” or occasionally being “romantic”, deepened and strengthened to one more unconditional than I’ve ever known. I know deep in my heart ex-roomie and I will always have a steady deep love for one another no matter where we are, or who we are with. Sex or no sex. And there were plenty of times each one of us heard or said, yes, not now or no. No big deal. Nothing personal.
I told him too that I had already decided he was to initiate with me from now on. Yeah he might get teased a bit but I had done enough poking and prodding about desire. I am not going to beg for sex. He’s always known how I feel. As a matter of fact he reads me better than anyone I’ve ever known.
The other really important issue for me is this: I told him if he wanted release or a sperm vessel because he was horny….he could save it for Her or get off in the shower. I wasn’t his girl. It would devastate me more than anything else. I want the best experience I can have with someone where love exists. If there isn’t any affection or care or love in his heart for me….I would rather satisfy myself and not have sex at all.
We agreed that if we had sex right then and there….we would never get the car done.
I wanted to play poker last night. *evil grin*
So exactly what are the stakes, I asked repeatedly.
He laughed and refused to set the game.
I know you, you just want to get my clothes off.
I lost. Well, not really.
It’s going to take some time for us to sync again.
Time is good. We’ll have lots in the coming months.
I can live with that.