my inner masculine

Anjolie has a post well worth reading…it’s about dancing and the dance…where we feel comfortable leading and being led.  In it she says,

…….I love a man that I can push into – not push around – but who still allows me room to be, me.

As I am maturing into womanhood and becoming more balanced and centered within myself I am less and less bothered in a “lost” way when my man isn’t able to be that for me…and I think this is important.  I need to be able to stand in my own inner-masculine……

Oh dear, this really has me thinking about how grounded I am in my inner masculine and how out of touch I am with my inner feminine.    How comfortable I am in it all.  Ability and a desire to “do”, or “be” more of the “masculine” than the “feminine” when it comes to living life.

And I’m not sure really what this all means except that I am infinitely more comfortable picking up the screwdriver and changing the towel rack to a shelf if need be or patching the hole in the wall and not waiting for someone to do it for me.  Digging the garden where I physically can, not waiting for a man because of some mistaken notion  I shouldn’t have to get my hands dirty.   I am more comfortable sitting around the table with a beer or cuppa joe learning about electricity, transistors, resistors, capacitors, engine compression, bore and stroke, or aerodynamics than spending time in the bathroom negotiating in the world of mascara and blush and lipstick.  Or heels and long flowing dresses.  I get wet hearing the compressor come on in the garage and driving a solid, well built car with plenty of power…..*giggles*

It’s funny, I love to cook and bake.  To quilt/sew.  And yes, to “decorate”.   I can, if need be, clean up….heels and stockings and a garter belt.  A short skirt with a slit up one side and no panties.   Oh la la…. *smile*

My inner masculine is strong and confident.  Willing and able. Bright and shinning. Up front and center. Ready….

But for the life of me…..I can’t seem to put it down.  My inner masculine.  I am more often hard, than soft.  Cutting.  Sharp.  Bold.  Bawdy.  Brazen.  Curious.  Put the tools in my hand and teach me.   My default.

But all these things….the things that we associate with the feminine….at least on an outward plane….dresses, heels, makeup, shopping, decorating, cooking, sewing….are not the measure of the feminine. Not really, even if we make that association.

Where is the goddess in me?  The soft and the feminine?  Is it that she’s had no opportunity to show herself?  No match?  No surrender to the masculine of another?

How do I let her through?  Where does she hide?  What does she hide from?

I am interested in your thoughts about this……

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6 Responses to my inner masculine

  1. Grace says:

    Why do we do this to ourselves? Take what is inherently a part of who we are as a female, and categorize it in such a way as to make it seperate from ourselves???

    As a fivestart Aries (ascending, sun, moon, venus, and mercury) I have alot of what is judged to be yang energy. But I’m a female…a woman..with yang. So what? :) The whole ideal of being a fully embraced woman is to integrate all of who we are and define it as Female.

    If it weren’t “female”, we wouldn’t have the capacity to experience it, right? LOL Maybe the whole duality thing needs to be trashed so that we can simply embrace What Is, with gratitude, love and acceptance.

    Good points, Grace. we do…or society does for us and we buy it. I have a lot of what would be considered Feminine energy. Not masculine. I suppose we develop what we think we need to protect us?

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  2. Molly says:

    I like to revel in whatever arises, whether it is masculine or feminine. I like to celebrate whatever I feel strongly moved to explore/do, without labeling it anything. It simply is, in my opinion.

    Indeed it is, Molly. I rarely seem to want to celebrate the feminine. I told a friend that it bothered me that “masculine” women were rarely afforded the opportunity to dress up and be taken out on the arm of a man. They are after all, mostly regarded as “one of the boys”. I need to find a better class of men, lol.

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  3. *smiles* Nice suggestions to ponder…I’m going to bear them in mind on other topics in my life. Thanks girls!

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  4. Sorrow says:

    Oh,
    I don’t think my answers would be what you were looking for..
    Do you cry at sad movies?
    Can you hold a child, even your inner child gently and nurturingly?
    Can you give from that place that only women can give from?
    sensuality is feminine, sexuality is masculine.
    For me, personally it is the ebb and flow of yang and yin. never just one, knowing that both exists.
    I want to dance with a partner whose aware of their own inner pulls.
    not strong or week in one duality or the other, willing to be both passive and aggressive.
    does your having a preference for one, make you poo~poo the other?

    *laughing* Sorrow you bring such a smile. Yes your answers were also what I was looking for. Like Gillette you touched on my reluctance….poo~pooing her…non acceptance of a part of self or probably more like not recognizing that as value to the whole.

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  5. gillette says:

    While not the measure of the feminine they can invite her in. To embody her and allow all the discomfort that dressing in those traditional ways…just sitting with yourself while you don sexy clothes “just for you/her” and “be” that can show you where she is hiding.

    My daughter’s acting coach (who is a shaman) made my daughter cut her hair, wear different clothes and watch every movie Penelope Cruz made. It has changed her at a deep unconscious core level. My clothing changed as I embraced my feminine more. There’s something about embracing the peacock that invites her in on all levels. Letting go of linear/thinking stuff on “how to get there” and feeling the body BEING her is what allows her out more. Feeling her (and your resistance to her) can make universes shift over time.

    She’s in there waiting for the rest of you to want her (my interpretation of your post is that you don’t feel comfortable with her so she may see that as a form of judgment???). Her match cannot show up until you embody her…how will he recognize her if you don’t?

    Might be interesting to ask her all your questions, yes?

    You too are correct Gillette, a form of judgment and she is hiding from it. Perception is everything.

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  6. Read some stuff on Artemis, Diana, Athena…These are all strong, independent women…if you read their lore, you’ll see why the word virgin once meant unmarried woman and implied that she’s a woman who does not need a man, only wants him. It was not about a hymen or about not being feminine. Its about self sufficiency, strength, empowerment.

    They were no less womanly for their masculine qualities.

    A thing to remember…

    Women are the vortex of life. We’ve a natural control of our masculinity and our femininity. If we don’t get stunted in our development as girls, we will be balanced and self aware of both these sides to our nature…Society tells us that these qualities are unfeminine. History shows that such qualities were necessary for the survival of our species and later for the survival of our culture and civilization.

    And if you want my opinion? The goddess in you is in all of these self sufficient things you see so easily carried in yourself…but its also in the parts of you which will be uncovered if you can look in that mirror more about how precious, beautiful and valuable you are. Behind that insecurity is the rest of her, waiting for you to realize she’s been there all the time. *smiles*

    You are wise Sister-Friend. I held off on comments to let this settle into me some. See what happened. I took a look in that mirror yesterday…..I’ll post about it in the next day or two.

    ((hugs)) Thank you for your strength and support.

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