Yah, that’s what I asked him. My ex.
I was feeling a bit kind the other day. Not that I’m not kind…just that I haven’t felt amicable towards my ex. He sent along one of those silly forwards. It was something we were talking about earlier that morning. Actually, he was talking and I was sobbing.
But anyway, I sent it along to a few including my ex.
So what I get back is this:
Friends are people that accept you for what you are. Does that make you my friend? What kind of things are on your mind? I haven’t had a good weekend in years, but thanks anyways.
That’s true. Friends also expect the best from each other and don’t buy personal BS or excuses. Friends are allowed to set personal boundaries, too.
Just passing along some sweetness to everyone as it was passed to me by my roommate.
Miss the beach and warm weather in Hawaii sometimes, especially with it getting colder at night.
Must be pretty difficult to not have a good weekend in years. Why not make yourself a good weekend for a change?
Yanno, I got to thinking again about the stories we tell ourselves. We’ve been talking about wanting our ex’s perspective. Not *really* knowing what fell apart or why…our version that lurks behind own rose colored glasses leaves no real lessons learned. Only our perception of them and how that might not be the case at all.
In a few hours I was pretty annoyed. Bitter, so very bitter he is. He’s right in one sense, because I found myself asking why the hell after all this time he couldn’t just say, thank you or something else pleasant as a reply to a kindness. I guess that really isn’t acceptance. He can’t, and I can’t change it.
So I asked in another e-mail.
Yanno what B? I never stopped being your friend.
And I never stopped accepting you for who you were those 15 years or the potential I saw in you.
Remember what I said about friends not accepting BS and excuses? And setting personal boundaries?
Here is the story I tell myself…..
You were the one who couldn’t and wouldn’t make the effort when I asked. So I demanded.
You were the one who walked away from the house, most of your belongings, and my cc’s that were all used for the business.
You were the one who wanted to move on and forced a divorce down my throat.
Do I abdicate all responsibility? No, actually I don’t.
I chose to continue working a schedule you hated because that wasn’t the issue between us. I needed control where I felt there was none.
I chose to force you to deal with stuff you didn’t want to-especially your family and your mother.
And I was a total bitch about it after what I perceived as no cooperation or effort on your part.
Hell, I could be a bitch a lot of the time.
But I never stopped being your friend.
I’m curious, what exactly is the story you tell yourself about it all?
It’s rare when I don’t bother keeping a friendship. Very rare I completely turn away. I’ve only walked away from a few over the course of my life. This forces more questions about forgiveness.
And if true acceptance means there is no need for the forgiveness.
And maybe we weren’t really friends at all…..