I’m glad I had some time to sit on burning. That it didn’t work out the way I wanted. Everything works for a reason and I can see now, after a few days of processing, that there are some threads to be untangled here. Internally. This has been too unfocused or rather, focused in the wrong direction. My gut feel is the intent and clarity here are paramount to what I need to do. There is no room for muddling it up and muddying the waters here.
If that is, metaphorically speaking, to die certain deaths and morn their passing in the interest of reemerging with the light to continue….Well, I would sure hate like hell to die the wrong ones….
Nope it’s not my Capricorn perfectionism at work. Or maybe it is but it’s not coupled with the impatience of my first reaction of to burn and burn this shit up in a roaring fire, NOW. No time like the present. G-d I hate putting things off. Except when I do.
I have a stack of notecards. Stories I need to let go of. And that is fine but they are not all predicated on ME because some are related to anger about specific events. That isn’t going to work for ME. If anger is an issue, then anger is an issue. But it never is when I remember what she told me. Anger is always a 2ndary emotion. Look past anger and you will see the source.
I have another stack of notecards. What I need to keep. Strengths and weaknesses because no all weaknesses are undesirable. What I need to achieve. What I want. Who is ME?
I had a good friend ask some very pointed questions along these line the other night. I am still reflecting on them. Not so much a private ass chewing as much as some reminders and suggestions based on my words. Yes there is much to glean if we listen. *soft smile*
So I need to do some further untangling. I have a week of quiet with no interruptions. When I get it figured out I will burn. It will be soon enough.