45 Days in…..

My car, distinguished and Honorable Subie, is parked in the driveway of a small house in the mountains where it will likely stay for the next few months at the house I can call my home base for the next few years.  It was generous to offer it up for me.   I know he wouldn’t for just anyone. I know he trusts me with it.  Because of this I know was telling me in his own way he isn’t planning on disappearing from my life.

He told me of his plans months ago; throwing a few crumbs on the table in a passing and unrelated conversation to let me know he’s thinking of something but not really ready for my incessant questions.  I let it simmer knowing he knew, that I knew of the seriousness of it all….

A week after I left we talked about it all.  Who are you running from, I asked pointedly.  His immediate denial and defensiveness meant only one thing…I was right, and he wasn’t ready to talk about it.  I let it drop again.

Sunday last I arrived at his house in the late afternoon. Bound for Pennsylvania the long way, I drove through Kansas to Colorado. After a few days I would fly to Minneapolis, Detroit, Elmira NY and then drive to Mansfield PA.  My new “home” for a week before moving again to Bedford, PA.  It is here I would park my car.  Keep the miles off until I could afford to buy something more roadworthy. Until I could pay some bills.  Until I could have my house in Morro Bay or Avila….

We talked in half sentences between……  We talked in more half sentences between the darkness and light.  He’s been busy pushing everyone away.   He won’t be coming  back……

Are you hoping???


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