Been thinking about something the past few days….
Talking about not being ready for “relationships” in any way. While we would both prefer to spend the “energy” on one, we maintain what we have in a very laissez faire manner.
This is not to say we don’t put energy into longstanding friendships, but those that are sexual relationships are as shallow as possible. As non-involved as possible. As superficial as possible. We don’t really care if they disappear tomorrow. Sure, they would be missed for the sex, but not in the “heart broke” category. As long as a standard of “good enough” sex is maintained at a level exceeding the personal price to our wallets, intentionally limited time and a minimal emotional investment, we’re okay. It’s little effort. And we go to great lengths to keep them that way. We purposefully perform to minimum standards (ours) knowing that the other(s) will happily accept what we give. Not because they don’t want more-they do-but that’s all they’re gonna get and they know that even hinting for / at anything more will have us leaving post haste without so much as a backwards glance.
Why are we so reluctant when we know we have those who would be perfectly suitable standing near us? Available. And in some cases, holding out their hands waiting patiently for US to come along? The reasons are many; from not being settled enough, leaving the area soon and not wanting anything long distance, to not really knowing what we want.
Are they valid reasons or excuses? Of course, any “reason” we give is valid by default. It’s the one we’re giving, right?
But on second look they are all excuses….
We cannot receive any gift from another in the simple spirit of a gift without wondering what the hell, What the hell do they really want from us?
That’s what we’ve both come to.
We don’t have it….Not really, even tho we pretend.
Not for anyone….Not with anyone…
My secondary questions in all of this:
Why are those who accept the bare minimum content with it?
Why do they not think they are worth more?
Are they as equally desperate to have anything, as we are to have nothing….????