in a blink

There have been too many,
too many times
I questioned myself,
my love,
my heart.

Believing words
I was wrong,
when it’s not
what I felt in my heart,
or what I felt in yours.

I cannot.
I will not
do friendship
without intimacy
in the emotional,
or the intellectual,
or the spiritual,
or the physical.

Anything less is merely
an acquaintance.

It isn’t what I seek.

If I cannot gaze
in adoration,
gratitude,
love…

If I cannot hug,
uncomfortable with
my touch,
you withdraw
deep inside
cold,
hard,
guarded,
distant….

I cannot,
I will not
pretend to call
it friendship.

I will not
switch off
warmth,
caring,
and love
I carry in my heart.

Not for anyone.

It doesn’t serve me.

In a blink on an eye
the cord-cut
the candle-snuffed.

It is not my only
tether,
my only
light
in the darkness.

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This entry was posted in Along the Continuum, Journal Entry, Reflections in the Mirror. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to in a blink

  1. Can I get an amen sister???!!!
    This was JUSt what I needed to read today.
    “But it was not my only
    tether
    or my only
    light
    in the darkness.”
    Never forget!
    I need to tattoo this on my forehead!

    Like

    • Rosa says:

      Yah, me too.

      I wrote to my buddy in CA today-a short note before writing this post on how I think I had forgotten just how much strength I have inside myself and my ability to be happy in solitude. How comfortable I am in my own skin. Yes, forgotten and pushed aside.

      It’s funny how things twist and turn. I read something just before I logged on here about the baggage we carry on our shoulders as opposed to the baggage we keep in the basement (so to speak).

      Now thinking of what it is exactly that I carry around and use far too often. What are my triggers??? How well do I really know myself and how do I communicate that (or not). It also has me understanding some of his better. Doesn’t mean I will accept it or tolerate it. But understanding it is good. To me that is healthy and enabling as opposed to blaming him, or as I too often do, take all the blame on myself.

      It also allowed me to voice something I am uncomfortable with doing in a reasonable way, and then ask for another to their part as well.

      (((hugs)))

      Like

speak!

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