The problem as I see it is not that anyone shares information, or processes issues/problems with another person. We ALL do it at one time or another, and we are ALL AWARE that we do it. We all need balance and a sounding board.
We ALL hope to hell other(s) are not colored by that process. We are ALL painfully aware of most of our shortcomings and faults. We are embarrassed and feel shame for being less than what we want from ourselves. On top of that we are humiliated when we know others know of them.
We have all been thrown under the bus in the past few months. ALL OF US, BY EACH ONE OF US, in some way; even when it was intended to be supportive. Words can warm the room or burn down the house. Once uttered, words can never, ever be taken back. All that is left is damage control with the hope that those who love us, love us through those times when we are less than what we intend for them or ourselves.
We all want to be accepted for who we are. We want to be accepted NOT in SPITE of our faults, but ALONG with them. None of us wants to be changed into something we are not.
We ALL need to treat people as we wish to be treated.
We ALL need to start wearing the others shoes. Meaning asking ourselves how we would feel if we were on the receiving end of any words or any actions no matter how much we want what we want. No matter how justified we feel at the injustice of it all.
WE ALL need to be able to talk honestly to that person without fear not being heard/acknowledged even in disagreement, and without fear of retribution in that disagreement.
We ALL need to be able to own our own shit as gracefully as possible with the person we are involved with; not everyone else they are involved with.
The solution is simple. EVERYONE needs to be on the same page of not repeating those conversations under any circumstances, no matter what that information is. Because even if we see it as helpful or supportive to another, we don’t need to be reminded of our faults or transgressions in any way.
In my humble opinion, we do do not need to be kept isolated and separate. We have already proved we can get along with more than forced civility, have a good time together, cultivate loving friendships and shared interests above and beyond you as the focus. This is the caveat; there is to be no discussion of problems with any third party. There is no discussion of sexual acts with anyone to anyone else, or showing marks of play or sex to anyone else that come from intimacy with you. All are potentially hurtful, disrespectful regardless of position, and all are inappropriate behavior.
Since we in no way have a power exchange relationship and your desire is to not have one with me; then the sandbox remains even and level. What is asked of me will be presumed to apply to you as well without exception, unless we discuss otherwise. Any less is a power exchange relationship with me submitting to you, and you accepting my submission. Anything else is manipulation by way of orders and threats. Manipulation doesn’t serve either of us. It is not loving. It is not filled with trust. If we cannot come from a loving and trusting perspective for each other even in anger or disagreement, then we destroy ourselves and each other in the process.
All My Love