I guess it was supposed to make me feel good hearing I was right so many months ago. That what was said is not what it seems. Even tho we mouth the words, we don’t always mean them. We try to convince ourselves and others, but when the words and actions don’t match; well, at some point the house of cards tumbles.
It hasn’t been me all this time. It has nothing whatsoever to do with me
Part of this is his making. And he needs to own that as well. He will in time. But it will be painful for all other involved.
This doesn’t make me feed good, or right, or vindicated at all. It makes me sad to hear how he took it all at face value and is now realizing otherwise despite our previous conversations to that effect, and his willingness to put our friendship on the line because he thought I was being something I am not. It makes me a bit sad he had to communicate this to me. There was a lot of integrity in that act. It took a great deal of humble pie to mention. It took even more trust offered outwards by taking the chance I would not throw it back in his face. Or ask questions we both know the answer to. I haven’t mentioned it again. And I won’t.
I cannot and will not do anything with this. I am going to sit with this and hope it turns around before I offer myself as he seems to want. Because honestly, it will get in the way right now. It will force a hand I don’t want forced simply to amplify a point he is already aware of.
Who is the Master? Who are the slaves?