anxiety

I had sooooo much anxiety about returning his truck yesterday.  Consumed with the “what if’s”, I almost considered waiting until Saturday when I knew he was going to be away. 

When I settled down about it, I decided that the action of returning the truck with a thank you note and the keys without telling him I was doing do, was more than giving him the finger. it was playing into the very sandbox I am trying to remove myself from.  After all…..really?…I am grateful he offered it to me and saved the cost of a rental. 

Letting him know was taking the higher path.  It was not unpleasant and didn’t have to worry about him suddenly driving up and being blindsided.  Or having anyone else there I would have to interact with.

I did not, however, answer the question of whether I had bought something else or was heading to work.  That is, from someone who was clear I was out of his business once and for all and forever, none of his business. Period.

I did tell him I thought that keeping it was further perpetuating hard feelings, resentments and obligations and that was not how I wanted the pot to boil between us.  He called about an hour later but legitimately missed the call. Let him know by text I had left the phone in the car and was busy.

I take the call as a peace offering of sorts.  That he wants to know what is going on or cares enough to say something over being ignored.

he can call back another time.  Maybe I won’t be busy….

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speak!

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