and counting…

Five here equals five owed there.  A weekend here must equal another weekend there. It’s not about the hours counted and parceled out.  It’s about quality time. Not quantity. One happy with a weekend, one happy with an evening, another with a day in the garage or a picnic, yet sometimes an hour for coffee will suffice as catch as catch can.  It’s as much about the individual as how much time you have to give. Is EVERYTHING about equal and fair? Isn’t this about balancing want with need of the individual, yourself, and the whole?

We won’t always get what we want.  But if you don’t know, because you don’t ask; everyone looses, including you.

When you become rigid in the “schedule” everyone holds on to their piece so tightly there is no room for flexibility.  Because we don’t exactly know how to do this on our own, do you now have to rule with force by demanding and issuing orders?  Do you then become resentful even though that is the rule you set before us to live by?  Are you teaching us how to be gracious and compassionate towards others with the inflexibility of it all?

Me thinks so.   Me thinks we don’t toss these ideas out on the table soon enough. We wait until the situation arises, and then end up doing damage control around hurt feelings that results in your disappointment in us.

We’re a little bit like children learning how to share among ourselves.  Do you always want to be the parent who relies on “Because I told you so”?  Or the parent who teaches and guides?

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4 Responses to and counting…

  1. okay, If I don’t comment on every post you have done in the time I have been away, I just want you to know, that I am here
    and reading them all, from this one forward…


  2. Rosa says:

    I don’t know if it’s a case of the very experienced here. I think I have a bit more real experience because of my years with my Anam Cara and with Muse as not ever being “primary”. Flexible all the time. Nope. Sometimes I’ve gone off stamping my feet and left the sandbox too. Ok, Get it. Suck it up buttercup, shit is not always fair no matter who you are, or what you want. It’s not always about ME even if I want it to be.

    It’s like calling the doc for an emergency appointment. We get in right away. Everyone else waits. I have been the one put off for 2 hours because of another emergency patient. Did I like it? Nope. Was it undertandable? Sure.

    It just seems so fucking evident and logical.

    What I worry about is that this approach of counting hours due each one is actually promoting selfishness over graciousness and compassion. Is Monday’s Gal going to graciously give up her time to the Friday Gal who has been working three weeks straight and only has Monday off this week? Is Tuesday’s Gal going to giver up her time because Wednesday’s Gal is sick a hell and needs care? Is Dam straight if it’s not a regular occurrence. If it is, a case of Friday’s Gal now only having Monday’s off, then changes need to be made across the board. And how long does any one of us gives up our time willingly but find the same allowance is not granted when needed?

    There is also the thought that maybe we shouldn’t talk about what hasn’t happened or may happen. I disagree. Sure we can “what if” it to death but if we cannot feel safe that there is some attempt at being magnanimous by all even if it is the Dominant’s final say….If there is no attempt at assurance in the first place…..well who the hell wants to play in that sandbox for long?

    Yeah I get that these are D/s relationships. BUT, layer the D/s or M/s over a foundation first. One of addressing concerns no matter how “silly” sounding or based on our fears. Only by addressing them can we build that trust and faith for the additional layers and additional people.

    And it’s not that anyone is going to go around the Dominant, call the first, the first removed or second removed submissive and beg time before talking to the Dominant. But it goes a long way I think for everyone to know the Dominant acknowledges adjustments need to me made from time to time, and have faith that everyone CAN be gracious and is willing to do so. Not because it’s ordered. But because it’s Walking in Grace. Will we always be that with each other, for each other? Idealistic at best. The not idealistic is tolerable and workable if there is some effort to be reasonable; even if we don’t like it very much at the time.

    Yeah I GET prior commitments and busy schedules and all that. Yeah I get it’s not always going to be easy for Him either.

    This I think needs to be clearly acknowledged by all involved as the desired outcome. It also relieves stress of the Dominant and submissives involved. After all…if we don’t believe that Day’s Gal will even to be open to the suggestion of something else, we walk away defeated and resentful before we even start? Hell, we might not even bother giving voice to our need or want because we want to avoid “trouble”. Fuck it. Resentment builds. If the Dominant believes he has to approach with a hard fist because Tuesday’s Gal is gonna make a problem for him, well now we all pay for that sin with a cranky Dominant who just might throw up HIS hands and walk away defeated and say, Fuck it. Resentment builds. Its a no win….

    I have found that time management is one of the hardest issues and if handled in certain ways actually breeds jealously and entitlement, instead of security; no matter how big the hearts are in all this. We are after all egoed humans, and women. lol.

    Just my 2 cents from my soapbox….


  3. alaisheart says:

    Sometimes polyamorous issues are so incredibly obvious, only the very experienced and flexible can see them eh?



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