Wisdom….

Question:
Based on your prior posts, your interpretation of how to deal with things you can’t control in life was : “Once you are able to honor others choices without taking it personally, you will be at peace”. What if others choices is against your beliefs? How would you define “boundaries” in a relationships and how can we “stand up” for our rights if we should honor others choices?

Response:
Honoring others choices will often mean that they are in conflict with your own choices and beliefs. If their views agree with yours, then there is nothing that challenges you to broaden your perspective. To honor another’s choices that you disagree with means that even though they have come to a different position from yours, you can understand and respect the different experiences and backgrounds that have led to their choices. This is the cornerstone of all successful conflict resolution.

Standing up for your rights and boundaries will vary from one person to the other depending upon how they interpret what are their rights and the boundaries of their self. For adults in the process of healing a past of childhood abuse, they will feel many typical human interactions violate of their rights and boundaries that others without that background wouldn’t necessarily feel. But as we heal our past, the sense of rights and boundaries tends to shift away from a defensive stance toward more of a simple knowingness of what is important to your growth and joy and life and maintaining a focus on that and not worrying about conflicting opinions. Everyone is entitled to their own views, their own path of growth, their own life choices, just as you are. When you can honor that, in spite of it being different than your own path, then it makes life more peaceful and enjoyable, and the boundary issues take care of themselves.

Love,
Deepak Chopra

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9 Responses to Wisdom….

  1. For me, it’s hard to compare the example of finding something strange and unusual compared to your own viewpoints and preferences and finding acceptance for someone who molests, or rapes, or does violence through terrorism or murder. In the former, I can see the human being. I can see the light in them…but for me, it requires some real mining to see the human being behind such actions as terrorism or molestation. And yes…I see that terrorism is on par with molestation. They both have a horror and a violence to those they victimize that is far reaching and that is terribly destructive. Such behavior is self in the extreme…

    It is so hard for me to see the human being within that selfishness…but I’ve done so. I pity them. I feel sad for the prison they’ve put themselves in.

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    • Rosa says:

      I absolutely agree with you and with the amount of work it takes as well..,,

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    • Here is my question however, I view molesting children as a form of rape and violence,. However in that part of the world, that is an acceptable and long standing tradition and completely moral behavior by their standards. what I see as wrong, they find nothing wrong with. I would Hate to have to walk around in a burka, but they view that as the ONLY form of clothing for women… are either of us wrong in our feelings and thoughts?

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      • Rosa says:

        No. Neither are wrong. It’s a worldview. One I don’t personally see as moral. Just as they don;t se us as moral.

        But it’s not my culture and there is something abhorrent to me about forcing my worldview down others throats the same as forcing their views down my throat.

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  2. ( and yes, I am being a sortof devils advocate..~grin~)

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  3. I wonder how someone would deal with the socially acceptable, culturally acceptable practice of grown men having sex with young boys? I have a friend whose son is back from his military service, who is in therapy because of this…
    thoughts?

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    • Rosa says:

      A difficult one to be sure. First for the victim(s) and then for us especially where we find our own loved ones in great pain because of it.

      Difficult too is where we personally stand on the sword of accepting others cultural realities where they clash with ours.
      I can be accepting of any world view as what it is and valid for them, but not want that for me and certainly not where it has been forced on another in anyway.

      I think it is critically important to see the human, especially with those actions we find morally wrong, and even more so when it’s horrific. It takes work within ourselves. We are not always going to feel compassionate towards the terrorist, the rapist. Should we?
      Yet, they are still human however we want to rationalize that they are not.

      It doesn’t means we condone and excuse the acts. It doesn’t mean we have to accept those acts with a shrug, either. It doesn’t mean we never work to make the world a better place, if that is our choice.

      This brings up something else for me lately, and that is questions surround basic concepts we have of good and evil. And my own thoughts about state sanctioned killing…

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      • It becomes a very sticky situation for me as well.
        My friend is Horrified at the culturally acceptable practices that exists in the world. They see nothing wrong with having sex with boys, as touching women is so incredibly taboo. For them, the fact that we have women with exposed skin is horrifying. Where do I draw a line? if this is there belief system, at what point do I ” To honor another’s choices that you disagree with means that even though they have come to a different position from yours, you can understand and respect the different experiences and backgrounds that have led to their choices. This is the cornerstone of all successful conflict resolution.”
        Because most of that conflict actually exists with in me on a moral level. I can respect the veil of their religion, but how do I accept the molestation ( condoned or otherwise) of children?

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speak!

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